You Know It's Time To Go When...

I'll be brief as I've been dwelling on this bullshit for way to long already. My grandmother is in the hospital for the second time in a week. She's not doing well. At this point, my family and I don't know what is going to happen to her-will she return home, go on hospice etc. I feel sick to my stomach for so many reasons.

But what's the one thing that's making me feel worst of all? The fact that if I need to take time off for this, I'm going to be in trouble with my job. No, by law they cannot outwardly say that, but I'm sure I will. If I miss a bunch of days (even through I have almost three weeks of sick leave and almost two weeks of vacation days left) I have a sinking feeling that I will be labeled as "unfit/unable to do my job." When I told my boss about my grandmother's first hospitalization last week, her response was perfunctory at best. No emotion, no empathy. My grandmother's death will be the first major family loss in my lifetime and it's really hitting me hard.

Yes, I'm planning on leaving on the 16th of March 2012 anyway as I want to go back to school and take care of a few other things one cannot do whilst working. But I I'm really trying to hang on till that date so I'll get my bonus money and our tax return. Those funds will tide us over until I can drain my 401k, register for prereq classes, test for my LSW and get a part-time temp social work job while I go to school. And try for the Fall 2013 rotation for Midwestern's M.O.T degree.
I just hate feeling like I have to fake my emotions even more than I already do for my job. I'm really good at it , but only for so long. I pray to God/Goddess to give me strength so I can get through my last few months and that they're good for my residents. I want to "exit stage left" leaving only good memories behind for them.