The Staying-In Date--An Important Poly Turning Point

Hubbys got the death coughing plague from hell and bull-headed him INSISTS on going over to his lover's house who has 4 cats ( all of which is his UBER allergic to). I talk with him about it...he digs his heels in saying, "I'm not sick, it just the change in weather!" Yeah, um...no. When you've been coughing for three days that has gotten progressively worse, AND your throat hurts AND you're loosing your voice...you've got a great case of the de-nile virus too!

After talking with his lover and then him AGAIN, he decided that they will come here and have date night. Well, for a newbie to poly like me, that presents some (potential) issues. So, the following is the internal convo I had with myself when I decided to push for them to come here.

I first had to think about what all that would mean. They've never been on a DATE in our place before! What if they, ya know DO IT while I'm here?!! WTF then? Do I go into the bedroom and try and masturbate, turn the TV on loud or what? That answered the my first question to myself: Am I trying to control the situation with them? The answer was clearly a no. In truth, it would have been SO much easier if they went back to her place because then I would not have to witness/hear sex in my house. I could have done whatever I wanted while they were gone and it would not have bothered them.

Next question: What do I do when they come back from dinner? Thank GODDESS his lover is a sweet, laid-back, understanding lady; who is super open and truthful. I just read an article the night before about this same situation and the primary could not go into the "date space" as was the poly negotiation. Despite my fears, self-esteem insecurity and all that crap that comes up when you have to confront something potentially scary, I asked his lover what the "rules" were about me being there on their date. I told her that I would normally try and find something else to do, but I was having my own physical issues that prevented me from going anywhere plus I was emotionally drained from my workday. I had cried a lot and that wears me out something awful. Her response was: "You live there. I won't feel imposed on at all!" So, I asked also about cuddling on the other side of Hubby and is kissing OK etc. The answer was still the same.

When they did come back, I had fallen asleep on my loveseat He streamed "Practical Magic" and we three snuggled up watched that together. There were several points in the evening in which I felt this AWESOME energy transference between the three of us. WHOA! SO AWESOME! It was beyond compersion. As a Level I Reiki practitioner (as is Hubby), I know what it feels like to transfer energy between people :) He agreed later that he felt it too! His lover stated that if they wanted to have alone time, they would just go into the spare bedroom to do so. While the thought is still weirding me out, I feel a lot better about it then I did even a day ago. Its more a weird feeling then the initial knee-jerk reaction of ,"NOES!!! HE IS MINE HUBBY!!! YOU CANNOT HAZ!!!"

So, we put him to bed after feeding him cough syrup with codeine and she went home. I thanked her for treating him so well and for being so chill about me wanting to cuddle with them. I told Hubby, "If THIS is what it's gonna be like when she's over, I am SO COOL with it!!!"

So, cut to today at Whole Foods. He went to the doc-in-the-box for meds to kick out this crap plaguing him. I volunteered to get the stuff he said he would get before this crap knocked him down. I found myself actually ENJOYING being there alone (we usually do MOST of the shopping together)...smelling perfumes and looking for things to dote on my lover (Sorry Lady Hyena...all the stuff they had smelled like crap! I'll be sure to come up with something!). I then realized we have almost no cereal left. I went to the aisle to pick up ye olde standby cereals and I saw it...Fruity Bunnies. It the kind of cereal that kids like...and so does Hubby. (Really, he's a big ol' kid at heart!) We agreed to never have stuff like that in the house. I thought about it...I imagined his smile and his sweet little kid voice.  I knew he would appreciate the thought and he feels like shit right now...that went right into the cart as did some really tasty looking ice-cream for the Quad Pod Squad Potluck on Monday night. (Again, something I would never usually buy as I'm not a big fan of sweets.).

So, what has this shown me? Poly life has and is changing me, for the better. I feel so good knowing that my Hubby-Bubby is being taken care of sometimes by a woman whom I really REALLY like having around. And I felt this way about her way before the poly thing kicked off. I'm also digging the whole concept of doing some stuff by myself. I'm still very much a people person and I do best when I have at least one other person with me. I feel the changes brewing within my soul with each new experience. I'm aware that there will be hard times to come, more harsh lessons to learn.  I'm really feeling like the good is gonna outweigh the bad in the end...that the rewards reaped will be worth the effort.